This is my message! Many times people want me to talk to other parents who are having a hard time with the fact that their kids have been diagnosed with Autism. This is the message I always give them, and it's become my mantra "Love them the way they are".
When Robbie was little, I belonged to a Charismatic church that believed that being "blessed" meant that God wants everyone to be prosperous. This was a "Word of Faith" church that was a big movement in the '80's. In their minds, that meant God wants you to be rich. They believed God wanted you to have a big house, a big car and big bank account. If you had these things it meant you were blessed. They also believed you should always walk in "divine health" and preached regularly about being healed. If you were poor or sick, then it was your fault and you simply did not have enough faith.
In the midst of all of that, my son was diagnosed with being Autistic. According to their theology, if my son had an illness and wasn't healed, then there was something wrong with me. Well, I prayed and asked God what I should do about Robbie and I believe I got this very simple answer from God. I heard in my heart "Love him the way his is". This sounded almost too simple of an answer but I came to realize years later how profound this answer really was. Now, to those who don't consider themselves to be a Christian, or person of faith, they may think this is crazy that I would say I heard from God. But I believe with all my heart that God spoke this to me.
One day a woman from my church got on my case and told me I needed to be "speaking the Word of God over him and believe for his healing". I politely thanked her for her advice and concern, but said that God told me to love him the way he is. That seemed to shut her up. LOL.
To Word of Faith people, that may have sounded like I was giving up, or giving in, or losing my faith. But that one sentence has gotten me through the past 20 years and kept my faith as strong as a rock. That simple phrase has gotten me through all the issues and behaviors with Robbie, and has helped me not to be too hard on him, or on myself. It's helped me keep a positive attitude. I am not ashamed or disappointed in Robbie, and I can proudly say I love him just the way he is! I think all his quirky behaviors are adorable. I am never sad in any way that he has Autism and would not trade him for any other "typical" child at all. I know, people don't like that I use the word "normal", but I don't know how else to say this...If Robbie was "normal", or "typical", or not Autistic, then he would not be Robbie!
Over the years I have seen lots of parents trying to cure their kids of Autism and make them "snap out of it" or "bring them back". I have also seen many of them depressed, or angry, or looking for someone or something to blame for making their kids Autistic. This hurts me to see this. I sometimes wonder how the Autistic child feels knowing their parents don't want them to be this way. I'm not saying we should give up on finding a cure, but I worry about how the kids perceive it when parents want them to change.
I don't want to change my son, and I don't want to be angry, disappointed or depressed. I love my son...just the way he is. I just want him to be happy and well taken care of. I want him to be productive and have the best life that he can possibly have. Isn't that what we all want for all of our kids?
This is one of the first videos in the series, but I'm bringing it back for those who missed it. It's my message to parents to just love their kids, just the way they are.
With love, Cindy
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